Saturday, March 22, 2008

Missing the Now

When you are missing something or someone, how can you help but miss that someone or something with a childish mentality? When you are missing that one thing in your life you lose hope and sometimes you lose all reason of all things sensible. The only truth in your life that remains is the truth of feeling empty. That is what missing truly is at the heart of the matter, a feeling of emptiness.
There are never, usually profound reasons for missing someone or something. The reasons usually do not go beyond merely wanting a feeling or emotion back in your life. It is a cold hard truth of life to lose things or people that mean so much to you. It is nothing but truth that contains the simple fact of loneliness or emptiness.

Is it a selfish notion, missing someone or something?
Is it wrong to feel selfish at that moment and want to have back what has been lost?
I don't feel that is so.

Human nature, I believe, keeps us striving, keeps us wanting, it even keeps us ignoring the inevitable notion that nothing is forever.
I have read that if eternity is what is wanted than live for that moment; live for the now and believe there is no past nor a future.
For whom would wait for eternity in a heaven or in an afterlife when it could be had right here by merely living in the now?

I say, simply or sophomoric, pish-pash.
I do not, by any means, wish to live my life waiting for death so that I can experience eternal life. But, I also do not wish to believe that living in the now is all that is necessary to live a free life.
As wondrous the notion might sound, eternity cannot be found in believing each second that passes is merely life. How can we live for the now when everything we know is derived from history, which is the past. When everything we do in this moment is to better ourselves (or worsen, whatever the case may be) for the future. For our future.
So, how can we deny a past? How can we deny a future? How can one tell me that I do not have a past when my past is the consistent make up of what I am today? What I am right now?
I do believe that seizing the moment is something that should be done in a persons life. Looking ahead only causes you to live for a future when you should be living for the day.
Carpe Diem!
But, I do not feel that what I believe is the same thing. We look to the past for answers to the problems that face us in the now. We look to the future to determine if the choices we make right now will inadvertently effect our outcome. By doing so, I do not feel we have denied ourselves the sense of oneness with the world around us. We have not denied our spirit of completeness by learning or rather by becoming one with what was yesterday.
Humans, to me, cannot help but mourn the passing time, nor can they help but celebrate what the future might bring. To me, it is the unknowing that keeps me living in the moment I am living in. The truth that shall reveal itself to me in the days, months, or years to come is what keeps me striving, what keeps me wanting more from myself as I live today.
I do not know if this at all will make sense to you, the reader, but to myself it makes perfect sense.
The reason I went into this is because looking back at the things we once had, which could be the things we want back, is about reflection. It is about knowing thyself fully with complete understanding.
We miss so much about ourselves as we grow older but that does not mean we wish to be a different person that we are today. I feel more at ease with myself today, at this very moment, than I did yesterday and the day before, and the year before and so on. But with comfortability comes the knowledge of the person I once was, the person that I tried so hard to challenge into becoming a better person, a more knowing person. Without the knowledge of my past, can I really become a better person today, or in the future for that matter?
I miss the years I spent in college, but those years I spent in college were the years of mental expansion. Those were the years where I shed my boyhood notions and formed them into adulthood notions by simply shaping them and giving them acknowledgment with understanding.
I miss a lot of things and people that have come in and out of my life, for good reasons I suppose.
I do believe in fate, not whole heartedly I must admit, but I believe there is a minute amount of truth in the statement "everything happens for a reason".
I believe that statement more to the effect that everyone you meet, you meet for a reason.
I cannot help but believe that every person that comes in and out of your life is there to show you some kind of truth that would not have otherwise been found. I believe that knowledge can not only be found through books and education, but also through experiences.
I believe that what does not kill us can only make us stronger. I believe that unknowing is part of an unknown world. I also believe that if our past is not there to be learned from, than why do we have a past?
Whatever the answers may be or not be, the only question that should matter is: Do you live the best life you possibly can?

But, back to my original point of missing something or someone, is it deemed unnecessary to miss a person or a point in your life since the past should not matter?
I say not, it is very necessary. For it is all of the longings that keep you striving for greatness. Not greatness in knowledge, but greatness in living a life that would be deemed acceptable to your soul. The soul that allows you to miss, to wonder, and to keep living.
I too have missed and am missing at this moment.
For I miss my beloved family pet who was euthanized in the middle of last year. I also miss my Nana; so much in fact that her memory keeps me wanting, it keeps me warm everytime I remember her love.

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